when bdays get so lonely

When ber months come I get so excited because I feel that my birthday is so near but when all the festivities are over for the holidays, all the excitement I feel during the ber months are all drained out of my system. I don’t feel even a tinge of excitement because of my foolish thoughts about getting older. And so the week of my bday came and my mom was asking me what I wanted to do for my bday. It was never a big deal to me if I will have a party or whatever kind of gathering. I just answered plainly everyday “wala”.

I already have plans in mind on what I really wanted to do for my bday. I just wanted to start my day by running then go to mass and simply sleep the whole day or go to the mall and treat myself. I don’t want to be with anyone.

On the eve of my “big” day I went out with friends and had a really sumptuous dinner at John and Yoko and we thought of it as our way of celebrating my bday so my plans on going to the mall the next day are gone. I just wanted to sleep and cook something for my family and lock myself at my haven, my room.

And so it was the morning of my bday, my family wanted to eat dinner outside. Of course I said “no”. They are convincing me and I just keep on answering “no, I do not want to go out tonight.” It was very weird for them because I’m the one who’s always on the go during family dinners. I’m the one even planning the details when we have dinners outside. But my mom insisted and I was so irritated and finally said yes to them.

When we went home we stumbled upon an unfortunate event that caused a friction between me and my mom. When the clock hit 12 signalling that my bday was over, I was in tears. My mom scolded me for something that is clearly not my fault. My gawd. I couldn’t believe it. While I was in tears, one of my best friends came and brought my favourite ice cream. I opened the door for her still sniffing. After a few minutes another best friend of mine came and we chatted all throughout the wee hours of the morning. Without them I would’ve really ended my bday so lonely but thanks to them, they kept me company and we just laughed out a lot of things.

I may be lonely at times whenever my age adds another digit but I am very thankful every year because I get to live longer and not everybody experience that. Another year on your age no matter what you feel is still a very big blessing that we should be very grateful for and I am.

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