bum no more
yaaaayyyyyyy, it’s been so long. harhar! after more than 300 days, i finally got a job.
This is not the hospital I really like but it’s all good for now. I’m still very thankful, it’s still a job. The turnout of events was fast. I was accepted in this hospital since last year but I did not process the other requirements because it’s really not my first choice but after almost a year here it comes again. So I guess it’s really for me. hah! I’m working for almost a month now in a government hospital and things are doing well. I’ve witnessed a whole lot of drama in the emergency room, sometimes it feels like I’m watching a movie.
For this month, I will start to work for 12 hours in a day but the good thing is I will not be working everyday and I have more free days. Just in time for me to go back into training. Races are there weekly again and the races I’ve been waiting are near and I want to train for those events to have a decent time. Haha! And just in time for me to decide on what shoes to buy because I’m starting to have problems with my mizunos. I feel nervous whenever I use it these past few weeks. I’m thinking of going back to nike or trying out new balance. I’m still not decided. Thank God for those running specialty stores.
When I saw my schedule for the first part of September, I was so relieved, so happy and felt so inspired to train again because of my free days. It was such a favourable schedule. God heard me. 
explain it to ________
My long absence is unexplainable?
I’ve been through a lot of stress these past few months. Physically and emotionally I guess. Hehe I’m in a new address and the transfer was exhausting and I’m not sure if things are really going well.
Whenever I fail I always accept them even if the reason for my failure is invalid at times but no matter what it is I still want to hear from a certain official that I failed. I don’t want to hear it from others even from myself. I simply want to verify it from an official. I’ve failed this time and I’ve been through it very well. So now, what comes next? None other than the overused “Try Again”. Yes, I will try again. Failure should never be a hindrance for your aspirations, it is a message that says you can work harder. You can do better.
I think I am a person who is not good in explaining myself. Who deserves to know the stories behind? None. Kidding.
Explaining. Something I believe I do not like. It’s not that I really don’t like it, people very dear to me are the only ones who deserve it. Individuals who saw me in all possible extremes of whatever attitude I have and still embraced me.
Explanations. I don’t need it. As much as I want to know the reasons, sometimes we don’t really need to know it. Emotions will stir up during justifications and it might bring such feeling that you will remember oh so clearly for a period of time. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right. I’m scared to feel it.
As they say, the truth will set you free but fate always has a way of bringing the answers you never asked for. And when it comes, it may be so unexpected but you will be surprised to realize that this time you are ready to hear it no matter what you might feel.
And after all the scary nights, the diversion of thoughts, the lonely days you can’t fake your smile, and all the activities you gave your energy just to stay positive and glad , you emerged a smarter, braver individual. I know I did.
when bdays get so lonely
When ber months come I get so excited because I feel that my birthday is so near but when all the festivities are over for the holidays, all the excitement I feel during the ber months are all drained out of my system. I don’t feel even a tinge of excitement because of my foolish thoughts about getting older. And so the week of my bday came and my mom was asking me what I wanted to do for my bday. It was never a big deal to me if I will have a party or whatever kind of gathering. I just answered plainly everyday “wala”.
I already have plans in mind on what I really wanted to do for my bday. I just wanted to start my day by running then go to mass and simply sleep the whole day or go to the mall and treat myself. I don’t want to be with anyone.
On the eve of my “big” day I went out with friends and had a really sumptuous dinner at John and Yoko and we thought of it as our way of celebrating my bday so my plans on going to the mall the next day are gone. I just wanted to sleep and cook something for my family and lock myself at my haven, my room.
And so it was the morning of my bday, my family wanted to eat dinner outside. Of course I said “no”. They are convincing me and I just keep on answering “no, I do not want to go out tonight.” It was very weird for them because I’m the one who’s always on the go during family dinners. I’m the one even planning the details when we have dinners outside. But my mom insisted and I was so irritated and finally said yes to them.
When we went home we stumbled upon an unfortunate event that caused a friction between me and my mom. When the clock hit 12 signalling that my bday was over, I was in tears. My mom scolded me for something that is clearly not my fault. My gawd. I couldn’t believe it. While I was in tears, one of my best friends came and brought my favourite ice cream. I opened the door for her still sniffing. After a few minutes another best friend of mine came and we chatted all throughout the wee hours of the morning. Without them I would’ve really ended my bday so lonely but thanks to them, they kept me company and we just laughed out a lot of things.
I may be lonely at times whenever my age adds another digit but I am very thankful every year because I get to live longer and not everybody experience that. Another year on your age no matter what you feel is still a very big blessing that we should be very grateful for and I am.
